Here is a typical teenage query:
"I'm faced with having sex for the first time with my girl friend. I have no idea what to do! HELP!"
So, what do you do if you haven't had sex before, you're in a loving relationship - ok, you might just be good friends - and you're both sure the time is right to move on? Well, first of all make a mental check list of the things that matter. Here are a few thoughts: Are you are both sure you want to go the whole way? There are alternatives - mutual masturbation and oral sex are often just as satisfying, for example.
Will you be able to do it in a loving, comfortable way in a place where you will feel safe?
Have you both discussed making love? If you can't talk openly, then maybe you need to rethink your plans.
Are you legally able to have sex? Have you given any thought to the legal position in your country - in other words, are you over the legal minimum age for sex?
And lastly - have you thought about contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases - especially if one of you has already had sex?
If you decide to go ahead with sex, you need to talk about it. Is it her first time too? If not, then you're lucky, because she can help you (e.g. you could say "I'm not quite sure how it works, but we could have fun finding out if you show me what to do!") There's no point pretending you are an experienced lover if you aren't!
Now, what about the physical side of it? An hour or two spent cuddling and kissing sensitively is a good way to reduce or release inhibitions and embarrassment about getting closer sexually. During this period of gentle affection, maybe you could gently caress her breasts - through her clothing - but as you work towards greater intimacy be sure to respect any signs she gives that she is uncomfortable with what you are doing AND STOP if she is.
Think about the significance of intercourse for a woman - it is literally an acceptance of you into her body - not a gift to be taken lightly by a man. Think about how you could give her pleasure by hand or mouth - giving oral sex to a woman is a very, very exciting experience for most men.
And when you come to put your penis inside her, it may be easier if you have spent some time gently playing with her vagina and vulva beforehand, so that you actually have seen where to put your penis. This may sound funny, but you need to know where your penis goes! To help in this, gently put a finger inside her vagina: this can be exciting for you both, and will give you confidence that getting your penis in will not be difficult (which it won't be if she is well-lubricated).
Do not try penile penetration until she is ready - ask her to tell you when she would like you to enter her. There is no shame in this - make it clear it is your first time, and that you would like to be sensitive to her feelings. You can learn to judge these things for yourself later on. On your first time you will have more than enough to think about!
When she is ready, she will probably feel just as aroused and horny as you, but it may take her longer to get to that point, and she will need more physical contact and kissing to get there. When she is physically aroused her vagina will be well lubricated; if she is also mentally ready to make love, you can insert your penis into her vagina. Don't forget that "pre-cum" from your penis can contain sperm, and use a condom to stop an unwanted pregnancy from your lovemaking.
When you get ready to enter her, ask her to guide your penis (with or without condom) into her. What about sex positions? The most common is man on top, where the woman is lying on her back, and the man is supporting himself over her, while facing her. This is the easiest for your first time. Once you have entered her, moving your hips to produce the motion of your penis in and out of her vagina is quite instinctive and natural, and it will be highly enjoyable. You may well ejaculate pretty quickly - that's normal. You learn to last longer as you go on by getting more experience!
It is very unlikely she is going to have an orgasm through intercourse the first time you make love, regardless of how long you last before you ejaculate. So make sure you give her an orgasm by oral sex or through masturbation, if necessary asking her to show you what feels good. If you masturbate her, ask her how she likes to be touched, because a direct touch to her clitoris is often almost painful, and it is best approached indirectly.
If it is also the first time for her, please remember that first time penetration will involve some degree of pain and most likely blood for her! Her vagina will simply be not used to extending itself to accommodate a penis. Also, you may tear her hymen when you enter her (though if no blood comes, then she might have torn the hymen already while doing sports). You might want to be sure she has an old towel underneath her hips, so you don't leave bloodstains behind. Please be sensitive to her pain and feelings.
She might want you to stop, because of the pain, even if she has agreed to make love beforehand. If this happens, STOP! Just like you, she has the right at any time to change her mind without fearing negative consequences. Most girls will go for it, probably the next time, despite some degree of discomfort.
USE A CONDOM IF SHE ISN'T ON THE PILL OR IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF EACH OTHER'S SEXUAL HISTORY!
Most likely your first time will be only partly successful. What is most important is that you enjoy being together and feel no regret, shame or embarrassment about your sexual experience. That said, enjoy yourself. And enjoy the sense of pride in your masculinity that will follow your first time. You'll then know how good it is to be a man!
